What to Do When Your Child Dies

The death of a child — whether an infant, a young person, or an adult child — is widely regarded as one of the most devastating losses a human being can experience. Nothing in this guide can ease that pain, but we want to help you navigate the practical steps so that you can focus on your family and your grief.

In the immediate aftermath, let someone else handle logistics if at all possible. Ask a trusted friend, sibling, or family member to make phone calls, coordinate with the funeral home, and manage the flow of visitors and well-wishers. You should not have to negotiate funeral costs or fill out paperwork while in acute grief. If no one is available to help, many funeral homes have grief coordinators who can walk you through the process step by step.

Funeral and memorial arrangements for a child vary widely based on age and family preference. For an infant or stillborn, many hospitals have bereavement coordinators who can help with arrangements, and some funeral homes offer reduced or waived fees for infant services. For an older child or teenager, the school may want to organize a memorial or provide grief counseling for classmates. For an adult child, you may need to coordinate with their spouse or partner, who may have legal priority over funeral decisions.

The legal and financial steps depend on the child's age. For a minor child, there is generally no probate needed because minors typically do not own significant assets. Cancel any custodial bank accounts (UTMA/UGMA) and notify the child's school. If the child had a 529 college savings plan, you can change the beneficiary to another child, or withdraw the funds (earnings will be taxed and penalized unless used for qualified expenses, though some exceptions apply for the death of the beneficiary). If your child was an adult, their estate passes according to their will or, if they had no will, through intestacy — which may give priority to their spouse or children over you as a parent.

Seek specialized support. The Compassionate Friends (1-877-969-0010, www.compassionatefriends.org) is a national organization specifically for bereaved parents and siblings. They offer local chapter meetings, online forums, and an annual national conference. Many parents also find comfort in individual therapy with a counselor who specializes in child loss. Grief after losing a child does not follow a timeline — there is no "getting over it," only learning to carry it. Be wary of anyone who suggests you should be "moving on" by a certain date.

Parents are typically the default next-of-kin for minor children. For adult children, the spouse takes priority. If the child was a minor, there is generally no probate needed. If an adult child, you may or may not be a beneficiary of their estate.

If the child was a minor, cancel any custodial accounts. If adult, check if you were named as beneficiary on their accounts. Some student loans are discharged upon death. Check for any life insurance policies.